"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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