you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
