I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
