You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
