I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize