yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
zippers are such a cool invention
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
