I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize