shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
