I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
did you just send me my own nude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
