I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
