now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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