do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
