We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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