Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
