i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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