and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
