dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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