every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
