he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
