i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want her autograph on my taint
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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