do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
