I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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