Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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