clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
