I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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