Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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