"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
