are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
