I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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