I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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