this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
