Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
