Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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