I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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