How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
