Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
