I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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