why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
