I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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