i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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