Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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