Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
