@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
