I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
