Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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