Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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