I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
