Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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