Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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