You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
