im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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