There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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