my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
