Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
