Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
