Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
