she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
