would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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