No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize