In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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