my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
