how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
FUCK WHALES
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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