u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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