Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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