So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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