i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
