I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
