Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
