i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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