Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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