Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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