I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
