my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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