I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
