he shaved USA in his pubs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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