i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize