Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
