There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
