You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
