If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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