I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
