At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
