I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
