the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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