All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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