I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
