12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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