All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
